Unjoyful Joy: Stomach Flu Edition

 The kids built a cardboard village over the holidays.  A hospital next to a funeral home: terribly pessimistic, or efficient city planning? 

The kids built a cardboard village over the holidays.  A hospital next to a funeral home: terribly pessimistic, or efficient city planning? 

You know what is decidedly unjoyful?  Having the stomach flu.  February brought with it a little jerk of a virus that knocked on my door in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.  Blurgh.  I think that overall I have gotten off fairly lightly compared to others who have been hit with this and other evil plagues this winter, but STILL.  What did I do to deserve this?  Oh right, NOT get my flu shot.  Fine then.  

In any case, the last two days have offered a perfect but really uncalled for opportunity to figure out how to find joy in the unjoyful (or, if not find joy, at least cope, which is sometimes as joyful as it's going to get), particularly during those times when all of the things in your body seem to be fighting to get outside of your body.  Charming.

Here are my top 10 tips:

1) Just let your kid eat the sugary instant oatmeal.  You can see it happening.  You know it ain't right.  It's Tuesday morning and it is common household knowledge that the sugary instant oatmeal is a weekend-only breakfast item.  But let it go, man.  Just let it go. 

2) Lie on the floor.  Flail.  Be super dramatic about it.  If you have a drama degree, like me, really put those acting classes to use.  You paid good money for those skills.  Whine from your diaphragm!

3) Watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy.  Yell at Shonda Rhimes when she kills off your favourite characters and vow never to watch another episode.  Immediately watch the next episode. 

4) Hooray, there are frozen edible things you can heat up for your children with minimal effort!  Boo, all food smells terrible and makes you want to cry.  Hooray, your children are old enough to feed themselves while you lie back down on the floor and wish for death!

5) Godsend (noun): Netflix as babysitter.  You want to watch that disturbing Equestria Girls show about human versions of anthropomorphic ponies (what is wrong with this show???)?  Healthy Mama says No way.  But you're in luck!  Sick Mama doesn't give a shit what you watch as long as you leave her in peace.

6) Nap! Nap like nobody's watching. If someone is watching, that's pretty weird, but worry about that later.

7) Alarm clock going off?  Thanks, buddy, but you have been demoted from "important notice I should definitely heed" to "suggestion".  Swipe to shut off.  Yes yes.

8) Discovering how disgusting your bathroom floor is can be a sobering moment, but then look at how clean everything else in your house looks in comparison!!!  95% of your household suddenly looks like a Better Homes & Gardens magazine spread (the other 5% is a science experiment for the education of the children).

9) The piles of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away are actually a fun, real-life Where's Waldo game for the whole family to enjoy.  Who can be the first to find a pair of matching socks before the school bus arrives?  

10) Amuse yourself by pretending that tip #9 happens only when you're sick, and not every single day in your house.   You are hilarious.

Bonus tip: Challenge yourself to do the very things that your stomach flu does not want you to do.  Like live.  Or write a website post.  You will not defeat me!